CCC Unpacked Series #2
presented by Ross Waltisbuhl (Deputy Principal) & Sue Waltisbuhl (Director of Teaching & Learning)
Since 2007 and the launch of the first Smart Phone, our lives have changed irreversibly. Our world is moving from a “collective” to an “individual” society and what we do with our time is changing too. Kids have never had so many wonderful opportunities, however increasingly our children are experiencing issues with anxiety, depression and addiction – more than ever before. In this Parenting Unpacked session we look at some of the issues facing parents as we strive to help our children navigate the challenges of the new digital frontier and we’ll explore some strategies to build a foundation for succuss as our kids become young adults.
Parenting with Confidence
Focus on the Family has summarised the 4 major styles of parenting in their publication www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/effective-biblical-discipline/effective-child-discipline/effective-child-discipline
The Permissive Parent. The upper left quadrant represents parents who are high in love but low in discipline. Permissive parents tend to produce children with very low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority. Though the parents express a lot of love, the lack of boundaries leaves their children with a high level of insecurity. The kids feel loved, but they are never sure of their limits. Their parents are generally fearful, afraid of messing up and damaging their children’s psyche, so they never set firm boundaries. The kids feel very loved and yet very unsure of themselves.
The Neglectful Parent. This kind of parent doesn’t express much love and appears not to care enough to discipline. Their children tend to grow up with little or no lasting relationship with Mum or Dad. They’re estranged because they feel forsaken. The parents’ neglect may not necessarily be intentional – they may simply be amid their own traumas and chaos, like an addiction or an abusive situation. They may not purposely neglect their kids, but they struggle to deal with their own issues adequately, and don’t have the tools to be strong and healthy parents. These children can grow up with deep emotional scars.
The Authoritarian Parent. This kind of parent doesn’t express love and affection well but is very high on discipline. They raise children who are provoked to rebellion. The bar is always high, and the “musts” are always abundant, so there’s a strong sense of safety. Communication between parent and child takes the form of arguing and fighting, especially when the child is old enough to fight back. Authoritarian parents squeeze their kids until the kids can’t wait to leave home, and as soon as they do, they rebel.
The Authoritative Parent. Those who land in the upper right quadrant provide the best combination of love and discipline. This kind of parent is authoritative — not an overbearing authoritarian, but compassionate with firm authority. They have clear boundaries balanced in a loving relationship. Everyone knows parents are ‘The Boss’, but there’s a strong connection between parents and child, a consideration that respects and honours who the child while not compromising on discipline and boundaries. The result is a child with healthy self-esteem, equipped with good coping skills.
Our tips will be centred in the Authoritative zone, the biblically sound approach.
“Our children don’t need us to be perfect (thankfully!). They just need us to be faithful. And God can take that simple faithfulness and turn it into something wonderful in due time.” ~Jonathan Lewis
Tip # 1
Get in the Zone.
As parents, try to spend as much time in the Authoritative Parent zone. Simple? Well, it is easy to say, harder to do. We had parenting modelled to us by our parents – to good, the bad and the ugly. We are busy and tired, and the demands of 2019 are intense. We know when we have stuffed up and we berate ourselves emotionally for it. Instead, we should take a breath, know that God is a good father and ask Him for patience, wisdom and strength. We cannot do this parenting thing on our own – and we were not designed to do it solo. It takes a village to raise a child, so look to the wisdom of the scriptures, the example of other parents and the rest of our community.