CCC Unpacked Series #2
presented by Ross Waltisbuhl (Deputy Principal) & Sue Waltisbuhl (Director of Teaching & Learning)
Tip # 2
Get Good at Saying No.
Parents know what is best for their children. We need to set clear boundaries and stick to our guns.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
The ability to delay gratification is one of the key factors for future success for our children. We have the best intentions – to make our children happy – however sometimes we make them happy in the moment but miserable in the long term. To be able to delay gratification means to be able to function under stress. If we don’t say no to our children, they are less equipped to deal with even minor stressors, which eventually become huge obstacles to their success in life. Boredom is good for young brains.
Setting boundaries requires strong parents to enforce them. Crime and punishment, Actions and Consequences, go hand in hand. Primary categories for managing behaviour include – loss of privileges, additional responsibilities, restitution (take responsibility, say sorry, fix the issue), and natural consequences (touching the hot-plate). As parents, we should set the rules (make a poster, discuss regularly and make the consequences clear in advance as well) and then we need to uphold them with Love!
Interestingly, in a recent study of American parents, 45% believed themselves to be strict parents. The same parents described their favoured methods for shaping behaviour, and most have limited impact.
Setting good boundaries now, when children are young sets up security and success for the teenage years. 5 steps:
i. Set the rules, you are the parent
ii. Set the consequences
iii. Stick to the consequences
iv. Don’t discuss the infringement in the heat of the moment, rather wait till the right time when emotions settle d.